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I have not been blogging as much as I want (as much as I should?)

Yesterday started well, car packed and arrived at the local Farmers Market in good time to set up my wears. Not too many hiccups seeing as I was displaying some new products. Chatting to other stall holders, meeting old friends…..

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Then it hit, a migraine! attacking it in my usual manner, Coffee (they served a mean americano), paracetamol (yes I’ve heard all the jokes) and Toast and jam (I normally do one of those iced fingers, pink icing for preference but beggars can’t be choosers). Well I managed to get everything ready in time for the opening.

The morning passed with a disappointing single sale (at least it covered my table fee) and I get a lot of knitting done. I’ve spent so many years wishing I had the takings of other stallholders. I see them time after time arriving with vans/cars packed to the hilt and leaving almost empty, they are even on twitter and facebook. Jolly little posts going on about 3 big purchases and a full order book. All I have are lovely people telling me how wonderful everything is …. “oohh what a lovely colour” They say with a bright smile, stroking the object of their desire only for them to put it down and walk away. Then that little voice sets in….. in my head I ask if they were just saying that because it was the only thing they could be nice about.

My head pounds and the usual cure has only worked on the blind spots. I have time to sit and worry about all the permutations of why I didn’t ‘get the sale’. Too expensive, too cheap, not good enough, too good or just not what people want, Is it me? do I scare them off or overwhelm them with my friendliness?. Looking back on the 20 odd years I’ve been doing craft fairs I’ve never really had ‘success’ (no matter what I sell) yet I have always seen others with a que and a filling cash box.

Later in the day I get home (and retire to a darkened room) sit quietly and knit. The space I have to work is a corner of the bedroom so I am staring at photos of my family and so much mess. And the last two months take their toll.

Migraines alter my thought patterns and make me exhausted. They make me wish.

There is nothing wrong with wishing but there are whole levels of wishing (I don’t normally entertain) The truly impossible ones, like wanting Mum & Dad to visit and give me a hug (even though they have been gone 19 years). The improbable ones, winning the lottery or the family change a habit of a life time (putting stuff back after they have used it). To the unlikely wishes, £10/15 grand will land in my lap and I can open the shop I always wanted.

This morning, my head feeling like it’s stuffed with cotton wool, I’m a little better emotionally. But the one question still stands.

What do I need to do to get a sale?

Today is the ” Oh how I wish for a regular job, with a regular income, paid on a regular day”

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